the appliance shop,
I bought a filthy book,
Locked in the lav,
I had a bloody good look.
There was a naked nude lady
and a man dressed the same,
Doing something very rude
with a funny foreign name.
I think it was called Ferretilio,
which is Spanish for blowing a bugle.
I went round to me girlfriend's house,
but she said, Oh, that's not very nice,
and I don't want to know.
So I tactfully said,
forget that it's a cock,
Pretend you're at the seaside,
and it's a stick of rock.
But she said, No, no, no, no, that's flat.
I could never,
never do a filthy thing like that.
She said, No, no, no, no, that's flat.
I could never,
never do a filthy thing like that.
She said it was called Ferratilorainio,
and was named after an
Italian racing driver.
Well, I filled her up with whiskey
and I filled her up with gin
but she still wouldn't do it
cos she said it was a sin.
I even had a bath,
but the answer was the same
she wouldn't do the thing
with the funny foreign name.
It was called something
like ferret in the ruleo.
I said it'd protect her from tonsillitis
but she wouldn't swallow that.
She said, no, no, no, that's flat.
I could never,
never do a filthy thing like that.
She said, No, no, no, no, that's flat.
I could never,
never do a filthy thing like that
Next day a man in a hat
came knocking at the door
He said, You've earned the pause,
half a million or more
With the cheque in me pocket
to me girlfriend's house
I ran to see if she was still a vegetarian
I said, did she remember
what a silly girl she'd been
About the sword swallowing
in that funny magazine
I said, would she refuse me
and treat me with disdain
Regarding the activity
with the funny foreign knight
But she said, no, no, no, no, that's flat
I could never refuse to do a thing like that
She said, no, no, no, no, that's flat
I could never refuse to do
a thing like that
Yum, yum, yum!
Ha ha ha!
Yum, yum, yum!
BELLS CHIMING PIANO PLAYS
Mr Falleggio, the ice -cream man.
Hear him jingle -jangle
Mr. Fel
latio,
all the children say hello to Mr. Fel latio,
the Ice Cream Man.
Badoom, badoom, badoom, bam!
That's where Trump's coming!
And then he's got Ronettes,
and Jordanaires,
and Street Section,
and Philborough Colliery Band!
Oh, it's going to be great!
It's going to be wonderful!
Absolutely wonderful!
Can't wait, lads!
Oh, it's going to be bloody great!