The high ways that wind
and wander across this lonesome land
sure can get weary sometimes,
Especially when you get a flat
on the old easel.
I was barreling down Old 77 one day
and I just passed a hobo
who'd given me the thumb.
And I gave him the thumb back
and kept going.
And wouldn't you know it,
about a quarter of a mile further
I pulled up on the shoulder
with a flat on the right rib.
And as I stood there looking at it,
shaking my head,
uttering some profane syllables,
The hobo walked up and said to me,
Have a flat?
No, thanks, I got one.
It ain't too bad,
it's only flat on the bottom.
Oh, brother, you could tell this guy
had been out of circulation
for a long time.
Whatcha gonna do about it?
Well, I was just gonna look for a man
to help me fix it.
Good, I'll help you look for him.
How about you?
Yeah, how about me?
Well, I mean,
how about you giving me a hand?
Oh, I'd like to help you, old buddy,
but I'm too light for heavy work
and too heavy for light work.
And too lazy.
Well, that might fit in there someplace.
Well, thanks a lot.
I'll fix it myself.
And I'll supervise the job.
Uh, say, old buddy,
how about giving me a dime
for a piece of cake?
Well, if that don't beat all.
And it's cake you want.
Well, today's my birthday.
All right, help me fix this flat
and I'll buy you a full dinner.
Okay, you got a deal,
but, uh, let me see the menu first.
Look, Buster,
you know hard work won't kill you.
I don't know,
I lost several wives that way.
Come on now,
you look strong enough to work.
And you look handsome enough
to be a movie star,
but I see you're pushing this old easel.
Ah, surely you must have done some work.
Oh yeah, I work now and then.
What do you do?
This and that.
Whereabouts? Here and there. I see.
Now when are you going to
give me that dime?
Oh, sooner or later.
You can kid me if you want to,
but I'll tell you one thing.
I wouldn't change places
with a guy that had a million bucks.
How about five million?
Not even five million.
How about ten million?
Not even one.
Now, that's different.
You're talking real dough.
Now, look here,
you no good mangy knock -kneed,
bow -legged, ball -headed,
two -bit hobo.
Who are you calling bow -legged?
Now, look,
you're gonna help me fix this flat,
or I'm gonna break your...
Careful, chum, you'll bend the suit.
Now, for the last time,
are you or ain't you?
You get so excited.
Okay, I'll help you.
Let me take a look at that tire.
Hmm, just as I thought.
That ain't no blowout, just a slow leak.
Hand me that tire pump.
And friends, if I hadn't seen
it with my own eyes,
I wouldn't have believed it.
That tramp took that pump,
and with one hand, mind you,
pumped that big tire full of air in no time.
Well, what do you know? No flat.
Partner, I want to thank you.
Hop in the cab,
and the next stop we make,
I'll buy you the biggest steak
and the best cake they've
got in the house.
Sounds like a winner.
Just one thing, though.
I noticed you only used one hand
on that tire pump.
How come?
Oh, I don't know,
except this arm's broke.
Broke? Just a little bit.
Oh, I'm sorry, old buddy.
How did it happen? Well, it was like this.
I got a hold of this copy
of the Playboy magazine.
Yeah.
And I thought it was a Sears
and Roebuck catalog.
Go on.
And I broke my arm
filling out order blanks.
Oh, no, come on, let's hit the road.