The first night when I come home,
drunk as I could be,
I saw a horse in the stable
where my horse ought to be.
Come here, little wifey,
explain yourself to me.
Why is there a horse in the stable
where my horse ought to be?
Why, you darn fool, you blame fool,
can't you never see?
It's only a milk cow
my mammy give to me.
No, I've been living in this world
for 40 years or more
and I never seen a milk cow
with a saddle on before
The second night when I come home
drunk as I could be
I saw a coat hanging on the rack
where my coat ought to be
Come here little wifey
Explain yourself to me.
Why is there a coat hanging on the rack
where my coat ought to be?
Why you darn fool you blame fool
can't you never see
it's only a cover lid my
mammy give to me
I've been living in this world
forty years or more
And I've never seen a cover lid
with buttons on before
The third night when I come home
drunk as I could be
I saw some boots in the corner
where my boots ought to be
Come here little wifey,
explain yourself to me
Why are them boots in the corner
where my boots ought to be
Why you darn fool, you blame fool,
can't you never see
It's only a cream jar
my mama gifted me
Now I've been living in this world
forty years or more
And I've never seen a cream jar
with laces on before
The fourth night when I come home
drunk as I could be
I saw a headline on the bed
where my head ought to be
Come here little wifey,
explain yourself to me
Why is there a headline on the bed
where my head ought to be
Why you darn fool, you blame fool,
can't you never see
It's only a cabbage head
my mommy gifted me
Now I've been living in this world
for 40 years or more
and I've never seen a cabbage head
with a mustache on before